Lupus, RA, Methotrexate, Boobs, and Hair.

It's been a few months since I last updated this blog. A lot has happened in those few months, and not all of it is something to be thankful about. I had so many great ideas for what I wanted to do with this blog. I'm going to toss all of that out the window. I think what I want to do now is something that I need.


I need to find somewhere I can be honest. I'm not even honest with myself and I think that's why I'm eating everything in sight. I'm sure it's illegal to eat your feelings more than once a month. I'm hiding my pain, between pies and cupcakes. I feel like the only thing I can control is what I eat but even this is laughable.

The junk I eat is causing more problems for my health.

Like this but with pies.

I decided to go and see a rheumatologist. When I got pregnant with Red, I was doing fine and then we relocated 1500 miles away, when I was 22 weeks pregnant. At that point I couldn't find a doctor to treat my "autoimmune disease". It wasn't diagnosed yet, by that doctor but soon I would learn that having something undeclared was just as bad as having a name to go with the pain. I figured I could just wing it all. The birth, the after stuff, and even my own health. Seriously,  who needs a doctor that knows everything about everything? Not this woman!

I should have seen this as denial, but that's the clever thing about being in denial. 

My plan was to have Red, then bounce back like nothing was ever wrong. Well, I had Red, and once she came out I decided right then I was going to breastfeed. I fought hard to breastfeed, because little baby Red, was dairy and soy intolerant with a nice bit of reflux. I went dairy and soy free, for my little Red. Then around 7 months my body started to wear down. Mr. Lupp, was having to work from home to take care of me and baby Red. This wasn't ideal. I had to seek help. It took 3 months of waiting for an appointment. That's when I was told that I either had Rheumatoid Arthritis or Lupus. My blood tests came back positive and elevated for anti-nuclear antibodies (ANA). I had heard those scary words before, but this time it was real. The Rheumatologist said, I needed to take a certain type of drug to slow down my immune system. I needed to stop breastfeeding.

This is when disappointment started to settle into my life. 

The afternoon of November 16, I started methotrexate. I take that along with some steroids and NASIDs. The 23rd was my second dose and I've started to see my hair fall out. In anticipation I cut my hair really short. I figured it would hurt less to see short hairs falling out, than long strands of hair. This theory didn't hold true yesterday. I had a good cry in the shower as my fingers had tiny bits of hair stuck to them. It was as if I had just come back from the barber. I cried. Hair is just hair but this was the first time that I recognized that there is something seriously wrong with my body.

I hurt all over. I'm weak. I live with pain. Now I'm taking drugs to combat my immune system and dealing with those side effects. On top of it all I'm gaining weight like a prized pig. I need to stop eating my feelings. I need to gain real control over my body.

How?

How can I help myself?

This is where I will use the help of having a blog. I'm going to document my struggles. I'm going to face my problems, in my quiet little corner of the internet. I'm not sure "how" but I do know that I can't risk living in denial much longer.

Short Sale, Stomach Bug, and Those People

Things got a little crazy since my last few postings. We were in the middle of trying to buy a house. It was a short sale, and I felt awkward buying a home from someone that was losing it. A few months in it became clear that the owner of the home was using buyers like us, to extend her stay in the home. Smart choice for her. Nothing but time wasted and crap for us.  Good-bye, too good to be true home.  

We've gone too far now. 

I fell in to a bit of luck and stumbled upon a regular home sale. The papers are signed in early July and someone is actually going to give us a house. By give I mean sell, but the jokes on them because we are only pretending to be adults. Ick. How did this happen? We got married, and then had a baby. Now we are buying a house. When did we become ...those people? 

 Now we can add Home Depot to our exciting Saturday night hang out spots.

Cloth diapering has been so fantastic. Mr. Pea wasn't too excited with the move to cloth until he saw how well they fit Red. She might have a really bad stomach virus. 

Pink ruffle cloth diaper. Flipin cute! 

My son, NJ, went with me to the pediatrician yesterday. He is a clever little beast. I was in the middle of trying to explain to Red's pediatrician that her poop smells like " a woman that hasn't showered in a few weeks".  I was too embarrassed to use descriptive words in front of my 9 year old boy. 

 I repeat, when did I become that person?

I will be starting my elimination diet tomorrow. I would request someone kill me now, but then I would never find out which couple makes it out on "Love in the Wild".  

I've also decided to start my one-photo-a-day, weight loss lapse project. I'll post weekly videos. This is going to be a tough adventure. 

Yikes!

Day 2 with Cloth

The cloth diaper world is so new to me. I had this idea that it would be impossible to cloth diaper. I thought it was too difficult, too costly, and too much work. I am really surprised at how easy it has been to transition over from disposable to cloth. 

Showing off Redding's new gDiaper

To get us started I bought some hybrid diapers, the gDiapers.  This is only day two but so far the cons for gDiapers are not as strong as the pros. 

Don't like: 

•  how the plastic rubs up against Redding's skin in the front. 
•  She has a few red marks on her legs. I'm not sure if that's because of the gDiaper or if it's the way we are placing the diaper on her. 

Love:

• The way they fit her.
• How easy it is to take out the used pod and insert a new one.
• Being able to reuse the shell several times before needing to wash. 
• How easy they are to clean.
• Easy transition from disposable to cloth. 

I do like this hybrid but I think I'm more interested in trying the AI2's. I want to be able to use the shell more than once. I want her skin to touch only soft material. I am currently trying to place an order for Softbums Echo and Omni. 

They should arrive within ten days. 

I'm excited to try new diapers until we find the perfect fit for our family.

I will be posting up some links to blogs that have been really helpful over there --->

Jumping in

This is my first blog post. I was diagnosed with Lupus in 09' after suffering with complications a few weeks after my wedding. I was told that my Lupus was too active to become pregnant.  In May, 2011 we learned that we were expecting.

In January we welcomed our little Redding. She is almost 4 months old and I'm ready to start on a new adventure. Cloth Diapers!  I'm currently running around to a ton of blogs looking for information on cloth diapers. The main thing I've learned is there isn't a perfect answer on where to start. It's dependent on what the parents want to do, and baby.  I ordered 3 AIO ( all in one) diapers. I also bought 2 gDiapers. We are going to try those on Redding today. 

Fingers crossed.